It seems as I am waiting for God to reveal his plan to me my children are growing up, people are going to shows, concerts, out to eat ,birthday parties and on vacations.I am waiting to have money for vacations and eating out, though not with any panic and not that I don't do some of those things,I do and it is usually even better because it is a blessing I know God has provided for me.
I am waiting to figure out if Matt is going to be okay emotionally and wondering if I am going to be okay, with him if he is okay. Sometimes I feel panic and fear in that waiting. I don't want to miss him. I don't want him to get tired of waiting. I fear he will stop trying. I have to put all my trust in God that he will be with me no matter what happens to my relationship/lack of relationship with my husband and father of my 3 boys.
Worse than me waiting is them waiting. My boys are waiting for Mom and Dad to get it together, so Dad can come home.Life is happening the boys are growing up and I am afraid they will be grown before their parents get it together or don't get it together...together.
At some point waiting has to turn into living. As much as I try, I live, I love, I enjoy friends and learning but I still feel this nagging interruption in what I thought my future was.
Thanking God I get to go to school, which gives me a sense of working towards my future.Thanking God for the work he is doing in me.Thanking God for his financial provision. Thanking God that despite the wait there is a plan that is better than I imagine.Thanking God for the people who put time into my boys lives.Thanking God that in my waiting I am learning that he is in control.
With all that I am, I want to follow and not resist God's lead.Because resisting would prolong the waiting and detours aren't fair especially when your taking the children.
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