Anger and Unforgiveness has appeared..........

I wrote this to Whisper's Dad the day after her 18th Birthday and I posted it on Facebook. I am sure in my attempts to humiliate him. Of course Anger would be his response and more excuses. More than his reaction, I have been reminded of something so important that I cannot deny it. I have a responsibility to forgive him. Jesus hung for me and all the things I have done. I need to extend that Grace as much as I think I cant I am praying I will.
   
Bill-
Not that parenting ends at 18 but for you since you have already renounced your responsibility,
I wanted to congratulate you at a job well done. Her Daddy made her feel like a princess.
She had need need to seek male attention elsewhere. (Sarcastic) She waited for you to call yesterday knowing all the while YOU WOULDN'T. I gave her a white Chocolate castle, she got excited for a
second until I told her it was from me. SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FROM YOUR MOM"S FAMILY
WHO MAKES CHOCOLATE FOR CHRISTMAS. Her hopes were up.Oh course she didn't let it
get to her too bad she has put up a tough girl wall because she knows you really don't care about her
enough to make any effort.That TOUGH GIRL wall makes her mean sometimes another thing she will
have to deal with in her future relationships. I am so Angry at you ,your excuses about Steve EXCUSES
are so stupid.STUPID.Just an excuse to let your daughter down.Immature it should have never mattered ever. You should have always been there regardless of him, me or anyone else. It's nice to know you have children now that you will give your all too. I hope it helps your redeem yourself for the absolute failure of a Dad you have been to Whisper. AND IF YOU EVER GET THE BRIGHT IDEA THAT YOU WANT TO REDEEM YOURSELF WITH HER you better make it real. Not like all the other times you would come around and then leave again for a stupid inconvenient to much work EXCUSE. You have missed and will continue to miss an amazing person grow up. I would love to say it is all your loss. BUT I can't the pain you have caused her has put a loss in her heart TOO. YOU JERK. Peggy
( I am glad to have her all to myself, but she needed her Dad) HER DAD BLEW IT. PS Don't even try to think Well she hasn't called me. It was not her Job it was yours. Have a great life and don't ever forget you abandoned your 1st child.


Bill's responce--1st of all, i've tried calling her several times, her phone is always disconnected. 2nd, u have sabotaged my relationship w her since the beginning. i could name certain incidences, but it would b 3 pages long. Jessicas been w me since whisper was 6, and has had to deal with ur shit along w me and feels the exact same way. whisper turned out fine despite u, not in any way because of u. im done arguing w u over her. u made it impossible for a relationship w her and u know it. 


That response hurt, really the part where she turned out fine despite of me, because I know I have not been the perfect Mom. The rest I get is his defense and sabatage is his word for not making it as convenient as he needed all the time.I know how hard I tried to get them together and just because I did not always rearrange my plans for his whims.Also Whisper Changed her phone number after Bill's wife asked her to choose them or the Freeman's.

This was from Karen Freeman-Oh gosh, this made me so sad. I wish I was closer to have hugged my niece! I have ALWAYS called her my niece, regardless of technicalities. In addition my mom has ALWAYS considered Whisper her Granddaughter. And I know for a fact Steve LOVES that girl (thru his good and his bad times) My mom and I have often (over the 19 years of knowing you) talked about how wonderful you turned out and how you became such a fabulous mother. You're creative, loving, smart and dedicated. SO much more than many moms can say. Whisper might give you a hard time sometimes, and seem like a typical teenager. But when I'm around her something mature, kind and responsible stands out to me. You've done a lot right for her, and believe me when she's older and out of her teenage years, she's gonna see it all more clearly and appreciate how you were 2 parents to her!!! This is just one of the Freeman's who have loved Whisper from the day she was born.

Kay all I am seriously trying to figure my feelings out. Anger yes, sadness yes. I cannot carry it forever, but I am still processing it. Possibly hopefully I will let it go and forgive him someday. Not today but maybe closer than yesterday.???I am just really, ugh!!, about it Something to do with her 18th Birthday and that his chances are kinda over. I had always hoped something would change. Maybe it is all just coming to the surface right now.
Joey thanks for calling me out helps me think. and I care that this may be inappropriate for facebook but if I wrote it in a notebook which I have in the many letters I wrote begging for this Daddy to be there, I would not be forced to get what is going on in my head as much as I am when I know other people look at it. And possibly my feelings are just a little voracious right now and are blocking better more Christ like sense. Prayers Please.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” Just heard this so profound. For me now.

I am so proud Thanks
and Thank you all for the encouragement about my parenting.As Bill would say she turned out fine in spite of me.I will give God the Thanks for that.
I did and still do try really Hard though!
This morning on my knees asking God to take this because I don't have time to deal with it nor do I want to ,I realized that I have been stuffing it and avoiding it for years. Anger /unforgiveness hold me back from having the relationship with God that I desire. To get closer to God I will have to get through and get over this. And Forgive Bill.

This is me. This is part of my anger and unforgiveness 

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