I don't have all the possessions we are supposed to have to be "legit" members of society.
We all SAY that doesn't matter. WE SAY that. We don't live that.
We work and we strive for "our" stuff. And say we are blessed.
WE ARE Blessed but who gets the credit. A man,the man, ourselves or GOD
DO I pray? am I surrendering to God my everything?
Can I honestly say yes to that question?
I cannot even honestly come up with an answer to that.
I DO PRAY. is it intentional NO. Well sometimes but not usually.
I usually beg God to get me through this day.
"MY" day filled with me. "MY" kids, "MY" HOME, "MY" meals, "MY" education, "MY" anxiety,"MY" problems.
Where is "GODS" day. SUNDAY? not usually just the "CHURCH PART"
HE is with me , always and I KNOW THAT. BUT I don't acknowledge that.
I am waiting till I am FINISHED with "MY" stuff. ( which will be never)
So I am letting the best part of "MY" life wait for ME to stop and enjoy him.
To acknowledge him in any of "MY" accomplishments which in the entire scheme of things were never that important.
I am waiting to stop and realize what is important until I finish all these other "important" things.
I can fool myself all day long that I am living for God but when it comes right down to it
what am I doing for God?
I grasp to understand and get the things in my life just the way I THINK they should be.And then I am sad,hurt and confused when my hope in these dreams is crushed. When I don't even know if that is the way God thinks they should be. BECAUSE I am NOT on my knees enough to know what HE wants for me.
What he wants for me , what GOD wants for me,
his will for the life that he gave me which I have CLAIMED to give back to him.
I need to give it back to him every morning when I wake up and every second that I breathe. IF I did, If I really did maybe all that I think should be, would be or maybe (probably) it would be so much better than anything that "I think" should be.
This is my God's wants me to know that you've been talking to God too much, and not listening enough. Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you.
ReplyDeletePeggy, your post is what lots of chritians ask themselves. You are not alone. You are a strong woman who loves the Lord!! Remember that when thing get tough. No one is perfect all the time. That is a stress that a lot of christian women put on themselves. You're right when you say that you must enjoy God and not let men fulfill that spot in your heart because a man never will. That' a lot easier said than done, I know. Hang in there and open your mind and soul to listen to God. I know His timing is never ours, but He always shows up when it's His time to.
ReplyDeleteI just saw your comment Tracy.. Thank you. I miss you.
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