When you love someone and care about what they say and do. You let your defenses down and when you do... ......what they say and do hurt you even more.
So why is it that defense is a bad thing?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
I am angry....inside
What is it that makes me so mad? I am not just simply annoyed I am disgusted and ANGRY.
Is it a combination of things from the past that I am projecting.
I have denied this and held this at bay forever....until now. I am MEAN. I feel justified. True to some extent I can justify my anger. I have GOOD reasons to be angry but God says in your anger do not sin.
How I SIN : I say mean things and I mean them. I escape or distract myself from my feelings. I stuff my feelings.
WHY is that sin?
Because it keeps me from stopping and seeking God's direction.
To stop is to feel the extent of my feelings and I am not sure what or how to deal with them. I don't know how I can express them and I can't place words to them.
To get to the roots feels impossible because the roots have been covered with layers of unattended to anger, pain,bad choices and disappointment.
OKAY my point is I can't be mean and I can't keep sinning... so I have to deal with this anger or pain so I can be who God is trying to lead me to be. GOD get me out of our way.
Is it a combination of things from the past that I am projecting.
I have denied this and held this at bay forever....until now. I am MEAN. I feel justified. True to some extent I can justify my anger. I have GOOD reasons to be angry but God says in your anger do not sin.
How I SIN : I say mean things and I mean them. I escape or distract myself from my feelings. I stuff my feelings.
WHY is that sin?
Because it keeps me from stopping and seeking God's direction.
To stop is to feel the extent of my feelings and I am not sure what or how to deal with them. I don't know how I can express them and I can't place words to them.
To get to the roots feels impossible because the roots have been covered with layers of unattended to anger, pain,bad choices and disappointment.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Just Wondering
If Marriage is God's way of showing me I am just as ugly as the ugliest, it's worked!
There has never been another person who has made me so mad, I say really mean things.
There has never been another person who can make me want to run away. FAST AND FAR
To be so trapped in something that you can't leave , you have to figure out how to get along and get through the days.
I have never felt so much bitterness and resentment. So WHAT if it is someone else's fault..It really doesn't matter CAUSE I AM THE One living with it and THE one who needs TO GET RID OF IT.
Okay so God now that I know I am a bent up ball of ANGER...what do you want me to do. If I CAN"T leave than WHAT do you WANT ME TO DO!
Show me the steps, give me the time, let me have the patience. LET ME CRY! I don't want to be angry even if it seems easier than feeling the hurt I don't think it is. I NEED to feel something other than MAD, Let me be sad... and cry. That is what I really feel the tears just don't come. I stop them ..I am scared.
You Got this God.
There has never been another person who has made me so mad, I say really mean things.
There has never been another person who can make me want to run away. FAST AND FAR
To be so trapped in something that you can't leave , you have to figure out how to get along and get through the days.
I have never felt so much bitterness and resentment. So WHAT if it is someone else's fault..It really doesn't matter CAUSE I AM THE One living with it and THE one who needs TO GET RID OF IT.
Okay so God now that I know I am a bent up ball of ANGER...what do you want me to do. If I CAN"T leave than WHAT do you WANT ME TO DO!
Show me the steps, give me the time, let me have the patience. LET ME CRY! I don't want to be angry even if it seems easier than feeling the hurt I don't think it is. I NEED to feel something other than MAD, Let me be sad... and cry. That is what I really feel the tears just don't come. I stop them ..I am scared.
Let Me
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