Jam Packed Action,fulfilling Whims and Missing out.

My Journal entry
Well here I am again,it seems like it has been such a long time sense I have been here. Sense I have been stopped and seeking only you. NOT you to HELP me through a situation but you and me BEING the situation.
AS usual my mind is wandering and feeling the pressure of JPA. That stands for Jam Packed Action a phrase I started using years ago to express what kind of day we are in for. I used to be excited about it and tried to get my kids excited to. Who doesn't love JAM PACKED ACTION? (kids don't love it especially after naptime, pharmaceutical companies do though. )
In my time with you, I feel as if I am stealing time from all the THINGS I "HAVE" to do.BUT realistically I have that backwards.
BACKWARDS without a doubt I am stealing time from us. I am robbing myself and I think I am doing important things. How much more would the things I do be DEEMED as IMPORTANT if I wasn't so backwards.
What is important , my seeking to fulfill my whims of the day? A clean house? Fulfilling other PEOPLE'S expectations of me?
Do I choose you or Jam packed Action?? I desire to choose you, I know to choose you is the right thing and YET it's yet another JPA day.
God you know what I want and you know what I need. Please , Please settle my whims and the things that get in the way of being fulfilled in your presence. I want my whims to benefit your Kingdom and YOUR plans. I am tired of wasting time.I want my JPA to be ALL about YOU not me.

I have crossed the line.........

I am considered one of those "Jesus Freaks". As much as I find humor in the "classic excuses" or comments I am a bit concerned about not being taken seriously. I am hearing things like "I am glad that works for you", "I am really not the religious type", and the worst so far "I am not fake like all of you". This was the worst for a lot of reasons first because it came from someone I care about too much and because it showed me some truth about his heart. I can imagine how peace and happiness in the midst of painful situations can seem fake to some, but that is where the freak in us comes in, we have that through Jesus and we just want to share it.  How could we not?
I know it is all part of the call, I would rather have Jesus in my life and be considered a religious wacko then do any of this without him.BUT.............
When something is so real ,so black and white and available to help others, I can't help but feel disappointed when what I say to them and feel with all my heart is written off as  "My Crutch".
God is with me and amazing. I feel him and I would not be happy with peaceful moments in my life without him.
God is not an unreachable myth, he is our creator who loves us wherever,whenever and however we are.